Mommyhood (A Few Tips from What I Have Learned So Far)

Just back from our 1st Mother's Day/ 1st Shreveport Trip.

"Pull. Yourself. Together."- Edna {"The Incredibles"} I don't know about you, but I hear this in my head ALOT. I don't think I've ever had to reevaluate my day to day life in such a short span of time as I have these past 9 months. Being a mommy is hard work, and that is all there is to it. With Little Bit asleep (and back up due to arrive in less than an hour) I am going to list some tips I have learned that have helped me keep it together so far.
Be Patient. I know that this one sounds like common sense. Much of the things I have come to realize in my first year of mommyhood do. If you are anything like me, you are well aware that patience will be required during the middle of the night feedings, teething tantrums, and during those sudden bouts of separation anxiety of which nobody warns you. What I didn't realize however was how patient I would have to be in just our day to day living. I have found that in order to keep up with the ever-changing needs of our sweet boy, I have to adjust our routines, schedules, and everyday habits at random. I wish I could tell you "Oh, at week 2, change this..." or "By 4 months you will want to stop...", but I think the best advice that I can give is to be aware of you and your baby's needs and adjust accordingly. More importantly though- be patient with each change. Unfortunately, while my baby has been more than helpful in telling me of his needs and wants, he is not aware of the changes required to meet them. He is also not aware and none too keen when I make such changes. Just because he starts crying and fussing at 9 o'clock at night to be fed and put to sleep, does not actually equal a desire to be fed and put to bed. (What can I say? Apparently Justin and I are fun people.) Every change I make, I have studied, researched, thought about long and hard before putting in place. I'm mentally prepared as much as I can be for any tears or slight heartache that may ensue with the sudden change. Ex. Putting Reagan to bed in his own bed was not only rough for him, but me. Even so, I have a heads up. I know what to look for and expect. Unfortunately, my sweet boy doesn't, and therefore he does not always approve instantly of the decisions I make. It takes time for him to adjust. It doesn't make the new change a failure or even a mistake. I constantly have to remind myself of this. Almost 95% of the time, it is worth it in the end and I find that not only was my judgement call right, but Little Bit is better satisfied.
Keep Your Husband Informed. Yes, I am the mommy. Most details are left to me when it comes to our baby. When it came to trying babyfood, switching from Huggies wipes back to Pampers, and even moving onto solids, Justin simply smiled and nodded in agreement. When it came to moving Reagan into his bed for naps, putting him to bed earlier, teaching Reagan "no", and learning which cries to run to and which ones to be patient through- well, I felt those required conversations. I look at it like this. You don't find a problem at work and go about correcting it all on your own. You have a meeting with your coworkers and discuss the issue, the plan of action, and the problems that will arise if failure occurs. You do this not to be bossy, but to succeed. Of all that I have feared in the last 26 years, there is nothing more scary than the thought of failing as a wife and mother. Including Justin and keeping him up to date, helps keep me from feeling like a failure at either. I have to be fair. The fact that I am able to stay at home puts me at an advantage when it comes to our family. He misses out on roughly 45 hours a week with Reagan. While he is AMAZING at catching up every afternoon and every weekend, it is my job as his wife and Reagan's mommy to make sure he knows it all. It helps me too. By keeping him informed, I end up with a better partner every day. He feels my hurt, my frustration, and my worry at times, and he either supports my decision or helps me find a solution that works for our situation. The best part is, on those really good days (like "things went so well you are almost afraid to breathe for fear of messing it up" days), he is right there with me celebrating and enjoying it too. 
Be Honest with Yourself. I thought I knew myself pretty well before becoming a mommy. In reality, I have had to reevaluate my priorities and take note of the personal foundation that makes me tick. I have found some of what I considered strengths to be weaknesses in my new role, and I have found skills and character traits that I didn't even realize I had. Some things I found simply to be more important and helpful to me than I had originally realized. One thing I have had to accept (and that has most definitely helped me to keep my sanity) is that I am a planner, a note-taker, a scheduler. Pen and paper are my best friend. Oh, and don't even get me started on to-do lists. *long sigh* With this acceptance I bought my new planner. I don't even want to think for how long my brain would run on "frazzled" without it. My point is- I have had to learn to stop and rethink the direction I am heading and the decisions I am making. It is normal and okay. The mommy world is full of women who are more than happy to tell you where you are failing and what you should think. Better that I stop and decide for myself than to listen to everyone else's voice. 
Write Down Everything You Find Important. So this one works off of the last tip a little bit. Even if planners have never been your thing, it may not hurt to have one, or at least to have a notepad. I chose the Simplified Planner. It is pretty- something I appreciate on days when I have nails that have not been filed or painted in months and my tshirt has what appears to be baby oatmeal splatter-dried across it. It is durable- a definite plus when my 9 month old thinks everything must be touched and explored. It is my brain on paper- enough said. While I dream of buying a weekly planner in the future so that I can enjoy both the book binding and the pretty printed covers Emily Ley promises for next year, my daily planner has worked best for so many reasons. While I don't have my day planned hour by hour, I use that little section to keep track of Little Bit. When he nurses, when he naps, what he eats and when he ate it...it is all there. I LOVE this feature. It has helped me tremendously in taking note of Reagan's habits. Babies actually do fall on a schedule all their own. I thought this was crazy and was to the point of tears at one point because every book and expert assured me he had one and I just needed to plan around it. Sure enough, when I started writing it all in every day, I realized my seemingly emotional baby was a pretty smooth-operating machine. Even now, yes, we have a schedule, but our daily routine typically follows his ques. Keeping track of this info has also helped calm any worries I ever have about Reagan eating enough. At first I worried if he nursed often enough. Then I worried he wasn't eating enough baby food. With solids now in the picture, I feel so much better when doubt creeps up to be able to look back on just what exactly I have been feeding him. It sounds crazy, I'm sure, but our days go by in a blur. Taking five minutes when needed to review what life has actually been like for the last few days or weeks takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. I'm also able to log when he learns a new skill (ex. crawling) or what projects I have managed to complete. It's remembering the little things that mean so much.
I hope this helps another mommy / mommy-to-be out there somewhere. Justin is home now and Little Bit is awake, so I had better say goodbye for now before they raid the office. Anyone else have any tips or thoughts they would like to share? Please leave them in the comments below! Happy Almost-the-Weekend!