Three Month Birthday!

Yes, sweet baby you are 3 months old! Mommy and Daddy can not believe it. You are keeping us busy, Little Bit. You are such a sweet boy. You love for Mommy to read to you during the day...in fact we can read all of the books you have and you will sit perfectly still and listen. You also love to watch Daddy work on the computer. You like to splash in the bath tub and get Daddy all wet, and you laugh when he gets you dressed in your jammies for the night. You think it is hilarious when Daddy says "Eat More Chicken!" and "Statistical Relevance". You talk to Mommy and Daddy a lot, and love when we talk back. You do not like it when we copy your babbling. In fact, you look at us like we are crazy when we copy you...so we do not do that often. You met Santa Claus a few days ago and you were so good for us. He said he loved your Santa overalls and asked if you could work with him for the day, actually. :) You are playing with Mommy and Daddy now. You like for us to play peekaboo (or "pee-pi") with you and patty cake with your feet (or "wee-wees"). You also come up with games of your own. For instance- we bought you a very nice teething toy (an elephant made of natural rubber that we've named "Nate"). We hand him out to you and you take him with a smile. You try to chew on him for a minute or two, and then you slip your fingers right back into your mouth and grin real big while we tell you to put Nate back in your mouth. You know we want you to chew on Nate and not those sweet, chubby fingers of yours, but you like to see us fuss and play with you.  We celebrated your 3 month birthday with your first bowl of oatmeal cereal! You made a huge mess, and were not so sure about it at first. Still, you did really good and ate/wore most of it. The next night you had sweet potatoes and you liked that MUCH better. You have since had bananas, apples, and carrots as well. You are not a fan of carrots, but you try so hard to eat them anyway. You are also now taking an interest in Mommy and Daddy's food, but you are not ready for our food yet. :) At night, you are being VERY good now. When Mommy turns out the lights, you roll right to Mommy and eat once last time while you go to sleep. You even cuddle up to Mommy at night if I move too far away. We love you more and more sweet boy. You are growing bigger and stronger every day and you are learning so much. We love you, Little Bit.

Two Month Birthday!

I can remember struggling to figure out what my next step would be, and yet knowing what had to be done. I knew how to get ready for the day. I knew my work and how to do it well- really well. I knew what I wanted for me. I made the simplest decisions the most difficult. Those days are gone...All I know now is this baby. What at first felt like would never come, came so quickly that at times I still forget that the waiting and the fear of his arrival and my own recovery is over. The second I heard his cry, I realized I knew nothing of what to expect. The second I realized a simple whisper from me could comfort him, I realized I would never be the same person.

I wake up every day now to my little boy's conversation. He somehow knows I will eventually respond to him, even if I miss the first minute or two. (Apparently the first few minutes are of little importance because he never seems mad that I have missed them.) The minute that I look at him, he stops talking and smiles the biggest, prettiest gummy grin I have ever seen. It doesn't matter how tired I am or how bad I must look because with that little smile I feel like the most special, most important person in the world. I nurse him, I change his diaper, and then I place him in his bouncer while I get ready. The rest of our day is a bit up in the air. He naps for awhile, on the couch and on me. He practices sitting upright, lifting himself from his belly with his arms, rolling over. By the time Justin comes home, I am ready for a little back up so I can play catch up with dinner and housework. Reagan doesn't mind the changing of the guard either. He is more than happy to fill his daddy in on the events of the day. In fact, he very often fights harder to stay awake after Justin is home- as though he just can't miss anything. We give him his bath and dress him for bed. I feed him again and again each time he makes a request. Eventually, we fall back into bed and again I fight to convince him that it is okay to fall asleep for the night.

I worry when he is quiet. I worry when he cries (even when it is simply to fight sleep). I make plans for when he is asleep and all the things I might finish, only to be so caught up in how sweet my sleeping baby is that I can't focus on anything else half the time. I'm amazed how the simplest things can amuse him. I can pull out a toy and he couldn't care less, but I wiggle my fingers or make a crazy sound and he offers up the brightest smile. It suddenly doesn't matter who I was or what I once thought I wanted. What I have now with my sweet husband and baby is far better than anything I could ever have imagined. When our sweet boy can cry just to fall asleep on my shoulder, or squeeze my sleeve while I hold him, or find me in the middle of the night in the bed, I am reminded how amazing being a mommy really is.

One Month Birthday!

I can not believe our baby is already celebrating his 1 month birthday. Thankfully, he seems to have adjusted to clothes and having his picture taken quite nicely, so one month pictures were an easy and quick venture. Also, I can't help it. I have to tell you more about our big boy!

Learned How To-

*Hold up head

*Roll over

*Smiles

Practices-

*Sitting up

*Standing up

Our sweet boy does not seem to have a problem with visitors, granted he has only met family so far. He is becoming more alert and more interactive with Justin and I each day. His 4 am feedings are made difficult only because he is more interested in cooing up a storm while his daddy sleeps rather than quietly eating.

Thanks to our hot summer weather, we don't bother to dress him every day. He typically enjoys diaper-only days. No socks, no shoes will still get him service. :) Still, he does not mind being dressed and is very patient with us when we do dress him.

He is definitely learning more about Justin and I each day. With Justin he is more than happy to sit upright and coo. He also LOVES for his daddy to help him practice sitting up and standing. Those little legs are plenty powerful when pushing up from surfaces. With his mommy he prefers to cuddle. Having quickly promoted himself from his bedside rocker to Mommy and Daddy's bed, it is not surprising to find myself and Justin sharing one side of the bed in the middle of the night while Reagan sprawls out on my side. He does not steal covers though. In fact, he kicks them often. 

While our first week of nursing was full of a lot of doubt and worry on my part, Reagan soon straightened me out. As we celebrated his one week birthday, Reagan surprised me and took to waking us both up on time and getting straight to business. I guess he now feels he that feeding time was becoming a little too dull because for the last couple of days, he has been trying to coo and eat at the same time. A few times I have even looked down to see he has unlatched and is staring at me to see if I've noticed. The second I say something, he re-latches and looks away as if he never stopped. Definitely have a mischievous little boy on my hands.

He does not like to think he is alone in a room. Oftentimes just hearing Justin or I will cause him to quit fussing. Then again, sometimes he wants to be held and that is all there is to it. Slightly inconvenient when there is cleaning and cooking to be done, but then again you have to love the fact that you are loved so much already. He is just such a sweetheart.

Oh, and last but not least, he has learned to fake us out when it comes to sleeping. My favorite of these moments was last Friday. His sweet aunt came to visit and was quite proud of herself for rocking the sweet, "sleepy" baby to sleep in a matter of minutes. He, on the other hand, was quite proud of himself two minutes after she left when he opened his eyes and began "dancing" (wriggling on the couch where she had laid him). Again- mischievous.

While Baby Is Sleeping...

Well it's official- Justin and I are parents! As crazy as things have been for the last two weeks, I have been thinking of all that I wanted to say when I finally made it back to my blog. There is so much I am afraid I will forget any day now, so while Little Bit is sleeping I thought I might steal some blog time for Mommy. First things first- I have to share his birth story.

Last night as a pregnant mommy- 38 weeks/6 days

As I shared before, our doctor had already confirmed our little one would be at least 9 lbs at birth and with that in mind had scheduled me for a c-section. In the 2 weeks leading up to the delivery date, I really wasn't all that worried. It wasn't until the day before delivery that I started to stress. I slept in most of the morning. (I was exhausted during that last month.) As busy as I tried to stay, I kept thinking of the countdown that was leading up to the hospital. Suddenly, it wasn't so easy to think of "We're having a baby!". All I could think of was the needles, terrible recovery, and my fear of unfriendly/inexperienced nurses. Yeah, the fact I was having major surgery really didn't cross my mind. (This would be where my mom points out how messed up my priorities are at times. :) ) Justin and I went on one final "pre-baby" date and came home to a quiet house one last time. I enjoyed one last "as long as I want it to last" shower and then Justin was sweet enough to paint the toes I hadn't been able to reach in the last 3 months. He fell asleep hard- snoring hard. (He NEVER snores.) I woke up a handful times to visit the bathroom and each time I hated the clock a little more for moving forward so quickly.

When the alarm actually went off, Justin rolled over with a smile on his face while I just felt plain sick. Nothing like a nervous stomach to start off what had to have been the most exciting, nerve-racking day of my life thus far. The fact that I couldn't eat anything wasn't that bad, but the nothing to drink part (mixed with nerves) was a terrible combination. (Needless to say, I emptied my already empty stomach before leaving the house.) On the ride there, I tried to enjoy the music in the car (music ALWAYS cheers me up), but for the first time in my life I couldn't tell you what was playing on the radio if I tried. It took us only half the time we thought it would to get there, and so not for the first time that morning I felt like everything was against me. I remember getting off the elevator that led from the parking garage to the crosswalk and checking my phone. Daddy had sent me a text letting me know they were on their way. In it he included a verse he had read that morning (Zephaniah 3:17). The mixture of how perfectly the verse was called for in that moment and that my parents (even 25 years later) would remember their oldest daughter is the world's biggest chicken and still sending encouragement my way had me fighting tears and gave me a boost that lasted all the way up to the maternity floor.

I actually had great nurses. In all of my nerves, I looked to Justin the most though. This was by far our biggest "adventure". Neither of us would be the same afterwards. Neither of us has been the same since we met, but let's be honest, our life was changing drastically in a matter of minutes. All the stress we had been battling for the last 10 months seemed to stop at the door. We were doing this. We were coming in as two and leaving as three. He seemed so calm that morning. We laughed over our baby's healthy heartbeat and how the monitor moved with each kick. When the nurse failed with the first iv, and made a last (successful) attempt on the other arm, it was Justin who held my hand and kept me laughing the whole time. I've never trusted him more than I did that morning. By the time my parents came back there to check on me, I didn't feel so much like it was a brave front I was putting on for them. I really felt like we had this. I trusted my nurses. I had learned to trust my dr months ago. Not to mention, I liked the anesthesiologist (whom we'll call Mr. R) the second he started explaining things to Justin and I. One way or another, it was going to be okay and for the first time in 24 hours, I was able to focus on the fact we were having a baby and not on my silly fears.

Ugh! SO pregnant, I know.

Was so happy he was still getting to wear his favorite color. :)

My nurse switched out just before the surgery. Her replacement was incredibly sweet and kept talking to both of us through everything. Justin and I managed to grab pictures of our beautiful hospital outfits before the surgery. When they took me back to the operating room, I remember feeling a few nerves pop back up. It was exactly as my mom had described it would be. Never mind the fact it was a different hospital, apparently operating rooms come in one style only. Our hospital only gives spinal blocks for c-sections, which was scary because the labor shows don't ever show women getting them so it was hard to know what to expect. Still, Mr. R had promised it wouldn't hurt (minus a slight sting), so I figured I would take him at his word and if he was lying then he would go on my list like so many others have in the past. As it turned out, I didn't even feel the needle. The only thing that bothered me was the crazy pressure following it. No one had mentioned it, so I might have forgotten to breathe for a second when it hit and kept coming. The nurse realized this quickly and was able to coax some large breaths out of me. What can I say, pressure or not, I did not want to take a breath and mess up the guy working with my spine. However, the deep breaths helped and pretty soon I was laying back on the table and feeling my legs go warm. They didn't put the sheet up until last, so how it is I don't remember seeing them do any of their other work, I can only attribute to Mr. R. The man not only covered my arms with a warm, thick blanket (which I thought unnecessary until he did it and I realized how tense I was), but he pulled out his phone and started showing me pictures of his kids. It was a great distraction and I could never thank him enough for it. Eventually, I started feeling really tired. Knowing Mr. R was watching everything on the monitors where I was concerned, I knew I was okay. I can only assume it had to do with not being nervous anymore and relaxing finally and suddenly wishing I had managed a nap in the last 24 hours. By the time Justin walked in (rushed in would be more like it, with head down and eyes fixated on me so as not to see anything), I was cool as a cucumber. At one point I started feeling nauseous again and I can remember wondering what the point was of having me avoid food and water so as not to get sick in the operating room if I was just going to get sick in the operating room. I kept thinking she was about to start and it would be over before I could get sick again. To anyone who may ever find themselves in my shoes though, listen carefully. Tell the nice man/woman who puts the wonderful needle in your back if you are feeling nauseous. Mr. R must have seen something because he told me right then that if I started feeling bad to tell him. I realized I was seconds from twisting off that table into a bucket just as he started talking, so I told him I quickly confessed. I remember laying there in surprise when he responded he had thought as much. I kid you not- he worked his magic and I was feeling fine in 5 seconds. After that, it was just a matter of minutes before the dr started. I remember some tugging and pushing and pulling...and not panicking because everyone and their mothers had told me to expect it. I remember this large pressure taking my breath for a few seconds, and then....

Yep, he was so NOT happy about being here. Can you blame him, though? He was pretty snug 5 minutes before this.

The dr told us he was here! A second later she said he was peeing on all of them (much to everyone's amusement). Justin had sworn he couldn't look at him when they got him out, out of fear of seeing his exit. I understood, but I sort of hated us both missing our baby's first seconds here with us. I remember Mr. R telling Justin to look. Justin started shaking his head and was about to explain when Mr. R told him again to look- to look RIGHT THEN. Justin stood up and looked over the sheet. When he sat down I could tell he was smiling. I remember being SO tired, but I didn't want to miss anything. Much to my relief, our baby wasted no time in exercising those lungs. The neonatal team left a few minutes after seeing him, assuring us he looked healthy. Justin left my side only long enough to grab pictures of our precious boy being checked by the nurses. I could see everything- another perk to our hospital. When he came back, a nurse followed him with our baby. I remember he was crying loudly. (He hadn't stopped since they had delivered him.) When she laid him to my cheek though, he stopped. They said I could kiss him, which was something I couldn't stop doing once I started.

I just remember looking at him and trying to fathom how he could have come out of me; that he was ours. I had imagined being a tearful wreck once he came out, but that wasn't the case. I think that no matter how many details you have about what to expect or how prepared you are for it all, you just truly can not imagine the surprise that takes you when your baby is here- actually here; in front of your face. I remember whispering to him (partly because he was a baby and partly because I was too tired to talk loud). All the nurses kept saying he knew my voice and that's why he was quiet suddenly.

Mr. R took the camera from Justin and took several pictures of us all together. Afterwards, Justin left with the nurse to take the baby to the nursery while I laid there still trying to comprehend that I had really and truly just had our baby.

The nurse snapped this one for us on the way to the nursery.

I wasn't in recovery long before they brought me our baby. Our hospital encourages the babies to have skin-to-skin with their mommies right after birth no matter how you have them. It wasn't something I had felt I HAD to have after delivery at first. I honestly hadn't expected to be allowed to have it. Still, once they told us about it, I was thrilled and it gave me something to look forward to. I would like to say I had accepted the fact I was a mommy by the time they brought him to me, but it took several minutes of holding my precious baby against my chest and feeling his soft skin against mine to realize he was really mine. I don't remember much about the ride to my room or what followed. I just held my baby and watched him with pride the whole time because he was ours. At some point, the nursery did come to take him back. I vaguely remember my family taking Justin off to lunch, while my mother stayed with me and tried to coax me into taking the nap she knew I needed. I openly disobeyed her on that one because every time I closed my eyes I thought of something to tell her. I was so scared if I didn't tell someone I would forget, and then it would be as though it didn't happen. While I'm sure my mother was sympathetic, she also has this thing about her "babies" taking care of themselves. Can you imagine? :)

It was a few hours before they brought him back to us. I can't describe how happy I was to see him again. My family stayed to see him and visited for a few minutes before quietly letting themselves out. Justin and I just looked at him. I would like to say that I remember every moment that followed, but that is definitely not the case. I can remember holding him. I can remember trying to nurse him for the first time. I know Justin held him a good bit- especially so I could eat. At some point that afternoon they came and removed all the fun tubes and iv that they had been so generous with that morning. By that night, I was walking again- slowly perhaps, but it was walking. Our night nurse was amazing. She talked with Justin and I, assured me there would be no shame if I changed my mind and sent the baby to the nursery for the night, and showed us a thing or two about babies. Of course, she wasn't too happy with me when she found me still awake at 5 that morning trying to wake Justin so he could put the baby back in his crib. She also couldn't blame me.

Waiting to be discharged!

We spent the next two days in the hospital. It wasn't all roses and rainbows, but I'll get to that part later. Our nurses were pretty amazing though. We found out one was a neighbor of ours, one was a friend of a friend, and on the last day I saw one of my delivery nurses again (which was perfect because we were able to give her, my other delivery nurse, and Mr. R one of the thank you jars that we had made). Recovery was NOT the nightmare some tried to make it seem. Maybe it won't be as great next time, but I am SOOOOOO thankful it has been so easy this time. Like I said, I was walking by the first night. I got to shower the second night. (Now I did have to take a pain pill the second night, but the nurse said that tends to happen a lot for some reason. Crazy, when you feel fine night one and day two.) I came to hate the hospital bed because no matter how good I felt standing and walking, getting back into the bed, required maneuvering past the bars on the side. I looked like a four year old climbing into bed on hands and knees, but it was the only way to stick the middle of the bed. As for the pain in general- I suffer more in a week every month than I have with recovery. I'm not going to complain though because this definitely has made taking care of a newborn easier.

First family picture at home!

I will end this part of our story by saying it is totally true. My mother has said our entire lives that she would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I knew my mother loved us, but, come on, who really wants to relive losing your pride so much in such a short time span and needles and surgery and whatever else your story involves? Now I am positive though that my mother was telling the truth. We weren't there 20 minutes when my empty stomach, nerves, and fear of the nurse failing to find one of my good veins had me sweating and emptying my (again, empty) stomach. The second I realized I could be sick in front of a stranger and not care for the first time in my life, I really gave it all up. That was the least of my pride I had to lose that day and, like I said, after the iv I was all about the fact I was having a baby again. Since then, oh, I have my pride back. I grabbed it back on our way out of the hospital, thank you very much. Even so, my mom was right. As scary as the whole process is/was, I would do it all over again for him. He is the most precious gift we have ever been given. I can not imagine life without him now (and he's only 2 weeks old). Good and bad days to come, I would do it all over again to have him with us.

Welcome Reagan! Mommy and Daddy love you SO much, Little Bit!

"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17

It's Official...

At least as official as it gets. Being only 37 weeks, he really isn't a little bit of anything, but adorable, precious chubbiness. Still, he's my Little Bit. He weighed in at 9 lbs Monday. That said, my doctor doesn't want to take chances and has scheduled a csection for us. I can not believe it. We are almost at the end of this part of the journey. We'll officially be a family of three in just two weeks. Two weeks, y'all!
I have a load of clothes that I should be folding (and a nap that seems equally important), but I wanted to write while I have a few minutes. Not wanting to bore you...let's throw some pictures in there so you can actually see what's changed here in the last few months.
So I am semi-addicted to this movie-

There's one scene you could totally skip if you watch the non-television version, but it is so relatable. It makes me think so deeply about Justin and I and our life together. How little we know. How much we have learned. How hard we've worked and prayed. How we've made it this far and what's next for us.

Little Bit's Wreath and Our New Addition to the Family Wall

I can't remember when I started praying for a baby. It's been too long since that first happened. It's like trying to remember when I first prayed for my husband- LONG before we met is all I can remember. Still, I know when I started praying, really praying for this baby. It was day 3 of our honeymoon. I woke up in his arms and realized I wanted not only to love the man beside me every day for the rest of my life, but I wanted to give him every ounce of love that could ever be given to a man. I didn't just want a baby anymore. I wanted his baby. I wanted our baby. When he began seriously talking about it a month later, I was elated. No need to wait. Who needed to wait?

My work family surprised me with a baby shower at the first of July (and even snuck in my sister and husband)!

Apparently we did, because it was a year later before I got that positive test result. After thousands of tears, at least a hundred tearful, fear-filled conversations, and a few negative test results we got our good news. Some days, it seems like just yesterday I was worrying about the first doctor's visit and calling my parents (one who laughed he was so happy and the other stunned to silence). Other days, it's hard to remember not being pregnant.

My mother repainted her rocking chair to match the vintage nursery rhyme theme! Isn't is beautiful!!!

I've had to learn to trust others- to take their word on what is best not only for me, but for what is the most precious gift either of us has ever been given. I've had to learn to look forward to the results and not focus on the uncomfortableness that comes with the test. I've come to have my own experiences and not listen so much to everyone else's. I've come to understand the love you can have for someone you can't even feel yet, and yet you know they are there...and the thrill that comes even when that same someone becomes so powerful it hurts.

Spent Valentines Day painting, the next day building furniture, and the last few months working on finishing touches!

I've been humbled more than once. I'm no one special, and yet God is trusting me with this blessing. While I once prayed for my husband's gaze to meet mine, to know his kisses and his hugs, and to see his eyes tell me he thought I was beautiful even if he didn't say it aloud, I've been shown much more. There is nothing like catching your husband's amazed gaze on your growing belly, or having his hand resting securely on top of you (knowing he is hoping to feel what you can feel at any given second). There is nothing like being pulled into a hug when you feel your worst, and knowing the two-three feet between you doesn't make him love you any less. There is nothing like watching curves you hardly knew existed before disappear at a rapid rate or being unable to move without sounding like some part of you is breaking, and yet your husband will pick the most random of moments to kiss you, or to smile sweetly at you, or to hug you just because he couldn't care less what you look like. Just when I think I could not love him anymore, he shows me how wrong I am. He reminds me how loved I am- how loved this baby is already.

Life is about to change. I can only imagine how much, how often. All I really know is that everything so far has revolved around love. The amount of love lying ahead of us, that we haven't even begun to touch, that is something else.