Two Month Birthday!

I can remember struggling to figure out what my next step would be, and yet knowing what had to be done. I knew how to get ready for the day. I knew my work and how to do it well- really well. I knew what I wanted for me. I made the simplest decisions the most difficult. Those days are gone...All I know now is this baby. What at first felt like would never come, came so quickly that at times I still forget that the waiting and the fear of his arrival and my own recovery is over. The second I heard his cry, I realized I knew nothing of what to expect. The second I realized a simple whisper from me could comfort him, I realized I would never be the same person.

I wake up every day now to my little boy's conversation. He somehow knows I will eventually respond to him, even if I miss the first minute or two. (Apparently the first few minutes are of little importance because he never seems mad that I have missed them.) The minute that I look at him, he stops talking and smiles the biggest, prettiest gummy grin I have ever seen. It doesn't matter how tired I am or how bad I must look because with that little smile I feel like the most special, most important person in the world. I nurse him, I change his diaper, and then I place him in his bouncer while I get ready. The rest of our day is a bit up in the air. He naps for awhile, on the couch and on me. He practices sitting upright, lifting himself from his belly with his arms, rolling over. By the time Justin comes home, I am ready for a little back up so I can play catch up with dinner and housework. Reagan doesn't mind the changing of the guard either. He is more than happy to fill his daddy in on the events of the day. In fact, he very often fights harder to stay awake after Justin is home- as though he just can't miss anything. We give him his bath and dress him for bed. I feed him again and again each time he makes a request. Eventually, we fall back into bed and again I fight to convince him that it is okay to fall asleep for the night.

I worry when he is quiet. I worry when he cries (even when it is simply to fight sleep). I make plans for when he is asleep and all the things I might finish, only to be so caught up in how sweet my sleeping baby is that I can't focus on anything else half the time. I'm amazed how the simplest things can amuse him. I can pull out a toy and he couldn't care less, but I wiggle my fingers or make a crazy sound and he offers up the brightest smile. It suddenly doesn't matter who I was or what I once thought I wanted. What I have now with my sweet husband and baby is far better than anything I could ever have imagined. When our sweet boy can cry just to fall asleep on my shoulder, or squeeze my sleeve while I hold him, or find me in the middle of the night in the bed, I am reminded how amazing being a mommy really is.