Life Lately!

Today is a day I have dreamed about for a long time, y'all. 

I love our sweet boy, I truly do. I love being a mommy and a wife. The fact that Justin works so hard so that we are not only taken care of, but so that I may stay at home is truly a blessing. Still, the days are not always easy and the perfectly scheduled days I imagined having one day have more often than not seemed a far-fetched dream. I knew the days would be crazy after having Reagan, and I knew a schedule would be highly unlikely. Knowing and living it though are two very different things. As Reagan has gotten older, Justin and I have both adjusted as we think we need to- not stressing to force a schedule. While Justin has been incredibly patient, never letting lack of routine upset him, I have not handled it so well. My parents once said that I appear to thrive on schedule. They were so, so, SO right. If I have learned anything about myself in the last 6 months, it is that I am more flexible than I ever imagined. At the same time, my want for some sort of consistency, a routine of any kind, has often kept me awake at night. 

With some bewilderment, and sweet patience, Justin heard me through much of November and December talk of this renewed consistency of living I imagined. I found a pretty great (& pretty beautiful) planner online. The fact it was created and designed by a fellow mommy I felt I could relate to really sold it to me. I have never been so happy for a planner in all of my life, but nevertheless I was thrilled to have it by Christmas. I will have to brag about it more in a later post. I mention it simply to say this- as I waited anxiously to use it, I skimmed through its pages. At the top of each day there are inspirational quotes and verses. One such quote is from the creator of the planner herself. "Grace Not Perfection"- Emily Ley Those words really hit me. Even in my want for schedules, routine, consistency I had remained patient just in the first few months of parenthood, reminding myself of our sweet boy's young age and dependency all along. I can't help that I consistently search for what I can do better or what I may be missing. I can't really even help my want for some normality again. Still, I realized right then and there as I read those words that no matter how knowledgeable I was of our day to day life, no matter what schedule I attempted to create, our life would never reach this "perfect" schedule I dream of. IF it did, would it really be an enjoyable life for my family? Probably not. I thought of my mother and how she always seemed to have it together. Then I considered how often we probably threw her day off with colds and childish fights and schoolwork and conversation (just to name a few distractions). I suddenly realized my mom lived the very words I was so inspired by in that moment. 

I have used my planner honestly. I have scratched out what does not get done when I plan without disappointment. I have learned not to schedule too much in one day, and what "too much for one day" actually is. These days I use it more so as a much needed reminder of what I have accomplished so far on days when I feel like I have gotten nothing done. I use it to remind me of the special things that pass each week- Reagan eats his first banana cookie, Justin got a new job, our first family trip to the park. 

Yummy- a smurf! (or Mommy's blueberry and pear)

I still lay awake at night and review the past day. I still compare it to the other days before it, searching for any similarities. I don't make up schedules though and expect it to work exactly. I pay attention to reality. It is accepting what is actually happening and needed in our life that helps me the most. For instance, last Thursday after climbing into bed exhausted and slightly frustrated, I laid there thinking. For the last month Reagan has cried EVERY night from the time it gets dark until the time I climb into bed beside him. I tried adjusting naps. I tried feeding him more. No matter what though, every night was the same. It was Thursday night it hit me though. Maybe our sweet boy had changed his schedule. Anyone who decides not to put their baby on an exact schedule when they bring them home, will still notice babies create a schedule of their own. The problem from when Reagan was 2 months and changing his schedule and 6 months changing it, is that he no longer falls asleep when he is tired and eats when he is hungry. He now cries. He cries because I should have known without him telling me. I missed this though. I overlooked the signs that he no longer could stay up later with Justin and I. With this in mind, I suggested to Justin that we try a new bedtime routine. Y'all, we have only done it 3 nights so far and life has been AMAZING!

Finished my chalkboard wall after naptime Friday! Naptime=Happy Baby=Time for Mommy's projects!

The first night (Friday) was a little tricky. I tried nursing him in our bed until he fell asleep. He fell asleep fast, but it took me 15 minutes to sneak out of the bed. (Babies have mommy-dars for real.) By the time I made it into the living room, Justin and I were so tired from laying in our bed in the dark that we could only sit on the couch and watch Jimmy Fallon. Considering we hadn't been able to watch it in months without hopping up to catch a toy or pick Reagan up though, this was a fun night in itself. 

Love our new baby monitor!

Saturday went better. The only problem was that we were out all day. He had woken up early that morning with Justin, which always excites him. Then we had a family party to go to, and then shopping, and then another stop at Justin's grandparents to drop off something. All of the running around, being passed between so many people, and going in and out of the carseat had made naps impossible. By the time we tried to settle in for the night, he was one angry baby. He was tired, though he wouldn't dare admit it. In spite of his efforts to relax and go to sleep, he was still wound up and that was our fault. He eventually fell onto Justin's shoulder and gave in. Justin had no problems dropping him into our bed and leaving the room. 

Then there was last night. It was the best. We had managed to feed him dinner, give him his bath, play with him, and nurse him a couple of times. Justin took him and, true to nature, he started to fuss because he didn't want to sleep. I think he was onto us by last night and knew he was about to be put to sleep. I say this because if you had seen the looks I was getting as he laid on Justin's shoulder, you would have thought I was the meanest mommy EVER. Thankfully, he gave in though, and once again Justin had him alone in the bed in 1 minute flat. Justin and I had almost 2 hours to ourselves last night. We got to enjoy our new cable. (It's the first time we have had cable in our married life, so this is big, y'all!) Justin talked about his first day at his new job and how excited he was about starting today. I was able to give him my full attention and we were both able to relax. We went to bed happy. Now there is today. Going to bed earlier makes baby wake up earlier. 

Good Morning, Mommy! My sweet baby this morning.

Reagan woke up with Justin's alarm. Funnily enough, because this was the first weekday he has ever woken up to find Justin still here, he reached up to him as he walked to the closet. Poor baby thought he was about to be taken out of bed and into Daddy's office. That is their weekend routine. Of course, the day does not start until Mommy is awake, so Reagan was sweet enough to smack my face a few times to be sure I was good and alert. Y'all, it is now 10 o'clock. I am dressed, our bed is made, all of the curtains and blinds are open, and I started a load of clothes. Reagan has been changed once already, he has had breakfast, read books, played, and has been taking a nap for the last hour while I watch on the baby monitor. Justin- well, I'll have to be filled in when he gets home tonight. He started at his new job today and he was one VERY excited man when he left for work this morning.  Today is one of those days where all you can do is sit and drink your coffee while you think to yourself  "God is good." I may not have my house in perfect shape tomorrow when we have company, but for how well things have gone this weekend and this morning, I am content. I am happy and content. This is one of those moments when a mommy can smile and be happy. It sounds simple, like nothing at all, I'm sure, to say we found a good bedtime and I have my baby napping at 10 in the morning, but when it is you, you will realize how great a feeling this is. It is such a good feeling, I had to post about it. Ladies, I hope you are having a great morning too!