Christmas 2015

Before we all begin celebrating our new year, I want to share some of the pictures from our 1st family Christmas.  It was a little more hectic than we expected. Poor Justin started feeling bad just before Christmas Eve/his birthday. We now know it is some sort of neck spasm, but not knowing and his feeling so bad made for a somewhat difficult celebration. While we had to adjust the schedule quite a bit, we still managed to have fun. 

Christmas Eve Box- Pajama, Bib, Cup (for later), Snowman cup (we used to hold baby food), Christmas book

Reagan was more interested in his presents than we expected. 

He finally figured out how to put his foot in his mouth that night. He has been trying for months!

Breaking in those Christmas pajamas...he can not sit still these days!

Santa came to visit!

Still no batteries, but he loves it anyway!

Thanks to a visit to the doctor yesterday, Justin is now practically back to his old self. (In fact, we are watching Star Wars right now.) Everyday Reagan plays a little more, or at least attempts to with his new toys. The smallest thing we bought him, a little teething toy that works as a rattle, seems to be his favorite.  It may not have been the "perfect" Christmas we had planned. I know we missed visiting with family, still Reagan gave us plenty to enjoy. I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmases! 

Christmas Decorations 2015

Before I completely run out of time, I wanted to post pictures of our Christmas decorations this year! I did it a little differently this year. I was originally planning on only putting out one tree this year with us having a new baby, however he has proven to be a very good baby and I have managed more sleep than I thought. He also loves lights and we still love Christmas, so most of our decorations went up this year. I did not put up our bedroom tree this year though. In our defense, there is a playpen in the corner of our room that belongs to the tree. Hope you enjoy the lights!

I painted a chalkboard in our kitchen this year and Reagan's "Little Blue Truck Christmas" seemed like the perfect Christmas theme for the board this year!

Thank you for stopping by. Hope you and your families enjoy a very merry Christmas!

Four Month Birthday!

Sweet Boy, it has been another big month for you. You are still practicing sitting up on your own, and you are doing SO good! We had our first family trip this past week to Marshall, Texas. You were an absolute angel. You slept most of the way and decided to play with your toys when you woke up. You only cried when you were hungry (and that is, of course, completely understandable). You had fun riding in your stroller when we got to Marshall and were very happy to offer up those beautiful smiles of yours to whoever told you "hi!".When we drove through Shreveport, we stopped to eat at TGIFridays, where you sat in your very first restaurant highchair. You did so good, baby! You even got a taste of Mommy's mashed potatoes. You are still enjoying story time with Mommy. You like to lean forward and touch the pages when I let you sit on the floor with me, We have only been reading your Christmas books this past month, but you seem to love hearing them again and again. You have taken to not only watching Daddy work on his phone, but have actually been attempting to take it from him so you can play. You have started eating big boy foods! You love your oatmeal, and your sweet potatoes, AND your bananas, ANNNND you apples. You HATE carrots though. Juju may have come up with a brilliant plan to change your mind on that thankfully. We will have to see if that changes this month! We noticed your very first tooth has broken through finally! We saw it Friday night as we were headed to bed. It gives you a lot of trouble, but you handle it very well. It is right on the front side of your bottom gums on your right side. I am pretty sure you will be asking for cookies in no time! You have rolled over twice in the last two weeks, but you only do it when YOU want to. Most of the time, you lay on your back and spin in circles or scoot around by moving your legs and arms and turning on your side. It seems to be very efficient and you seem bewildered at our surprise that you have such skills! You now laugh every time you are tickled. You have the prettiest, most beautiful laugh Mommy and Daddy have ever heard. It is one of our favorite sounds to hear. Friday, you started taking your daytime naps in your own bed. You were not a fan at first, but you are getting better every day. Mommy is SO proud of you, Little Bit, every time you sleep in your bed (even though I do very much miss letting you sleep on my chest every time). Sweet Boy, Mommy and Daddy are so very, very, VERY proud of you. You have grown so much more than we could have ever imagined in so short of a time. You amaze us every day, Reagan. We love you so much! 

Three Month Birthday!

Yes, sweet baby you are 3 months old! Mommy and Daddy can not believe it. You are keeping us busy, Little Bit. You are such a sweet boy. You love for Mommy to read to you during the day...in fact we can read all of the books you have and you will sit perfectly still and listen. You also love to watch Daddy work on the computer. You like to splash in the bath tub and get Daddy all wet, and you laugh when he gets you dressed in your jammies for the night. You think it is hilarious when Daddy says "Eat More Chicken!" and "Statistical Relevance". You talk to Mommy and Daddy a lot, and love when we talk back. You do not like it when we copy your babbling. In fact, you look at us like we are crazy when we copy you...so we do not do that often. You met Santa Claus a few days ago and you were so good for us. He said he loved your Santa overalls and asked if you could work with him for the day, actually. :) You are playing with Mommy and Daddy now. You like for us to play peekaboo (or "pee-pi") with you and patty cake with your feet (or "wee-wees"). You also come up with games of your own. For instance- we bought you a very nice teething toy (an elephant made of natural rubber that we've named "Nate"). We hand him out to you and you take him with a smile. You try to chew on him for a minute or two, and then you slip your fingers right back into your mouth and grin real big while we tell you to put Nate back in your mouth. You know we want you to chew on Nate and not those sweet, chubby fingers of yours, but you like to see us fuss and play with you.  We celebrated your 3 month birthday with your first bowl of oatmeal cereal! You made a huge mess, and were not so sure about it at first. Still, you did really good and ate/wore most of it. The next night you had sweet potatoes and you liked that MUCH better. You have since had bananas, apples, and carrots as well. You are not a fan of carrots, but you try so hard to eat them anyway. You are also now taking an interest in Mommy and Daddy's food, but you are not ready for our food yet. :) At night, you are being VERY good now. When Mommy turns out the lights, you roll right to Mommy and eat once last time while you go to sleep. You even cuddle up to Mommy at night if I move too far away. We love you more and more sweet boy. You are growing bigger and stronger every day and you are learning so much. We love you, Little Bit.

Two Month Birthday!

I can remember struggling to figure out what my next step would be, and yet knowing what had to be done. I knew how to get ready for the day. I knew my work and how to do it well- really well. I knew what I wanted for me. I made the simplest decisions the most difficult. Those days are gone...All I know now is this baby. What at first felt like would never come, came so quickly that at times I still forget that the waiting and the fear of his arrival and my own recovery is over. The second I heard his cry, I realized I knew nothing of what to expect. The second I realized a simple whisper from me could comfort him, I realized I would never be the same person.

I wake up every day now to my little boy's conversation. He somehow knows I will eventually respond to him, even if I miss the first minute or two. (Apparently the first few minutes are of little importance because he never seems mad that I have missed them.) The minute that I look at him, he stops talking and smiles the biggest, prettiest gummy grin I have ever seen. It doesn't matter how tired I am or how bad I must look because with that little smile I feel like the most special, most important person in the world. I nurse him, I change his diaper, and then I place him in his bouncer while I get ready. The rest of our day is a bit up in the air. He naps for awhile, on the couch and on me. He practices sitting upright, lifting himself from his belly with his arms, rolling over. By the time Justin comes home, I am ready for a little back up so I can play catch up with dinner and housework. Reagan doesn't mind the changing of the guard either. He is more than happy to fill his daddy in on the events of the day. In fact, he very often fights harder to stay awake after Justin is home- as though he just can't miss anything. We give him his bath and dress him for bed. I feed him again and again each time he makes a request. Eventually, we fall back into bed and again I fight to convince him that it is okay to fall asleep for the night.

I worry when he is quiet. I worry when he cries (even when it is simply to fight sleep). I make plans for when he is asleep and all the things I might finish, only to be so caught up in how sweet my sleeping baby is that I can't focus on anything else half the time. I'm amazed how the simplest things can amuse him. I can pull out a toy and he couldn't care less, but I wiggle my fingers or make a crazy sound and he offers up the brightest smile. It suddenly doesn't matter who I was or what I once thought I wanted. What I have now with my sweet husband and baby is far better than anything I could ever have imagined. When our sweet boy can cry just to fall asleep on my shoulder, or squeeze my sleeve while I hold him, or find me in the middle of the night in the bed, I am reminded how amazing being a mommy really is.

One Month Birthday!

I can not believe our baby is already celebrating his 1 month birthday. Thankfully, he seems to have adjusted to clothes and having his picture taken quite nicely, so one month pictures were an easy and quick venture. Also, I can't help it. I have to tell you more about our big boy!

Learned How To-

*Hold up head

*Roll over

*Smiles

Practices-

*Sitting up

*Standing up

Our sweet boy does not seem to have a problem with visitors, granted he has only met family so far. He is becoming more alert and more interactive with Justin and I each day. His 4 am feedings are made difficult only because he is more interested in cooing up a storm while his daddy sleeps rather than quietly eating.

Thanks to our hot summer weather, we don't bother to dress him every day. He typically enjoys diaper-only days. No socks, no shoes will still get him service. :) Still, he does not mind being dressed and is very patient with us when we do dress him.

He is definitely learning more about Justin and I each day. With Justin he is more than happy to sit upright and coo. He also LOVES for his daddy to help him practice sitting up and standing. Those little legs are plenty powerful when pushing up from surfaces. With his mommy he prefers to cuddle. Having quickly promoted himself from his bedside rocker to Mommy and Daddy's bed, it is not surprising to find myself and Justin sharing one side of the bed in the middle of the night while Reagan sprawls out on my side. He does not steal covers though. In fact, he kicks them often. 

While our first week of nursing was full of a lot of doubt and worry on my part, Reagan soon straightened me out. As we celebrated his one week birthday, Reagan surprised me and took to waking us both up on time and getting straight to business. I guess he now feels he that feeding time was becoming a little too dull because for the last couple of days, he has been trying to coo and eat at the same time. A few times I have even looked down to see he has unlatched and is staring at me to see if I've noticed. The second I say something, he re-latches and looks away as if he never stopped. Definitely have a mischievous little boy on my hands.

He does not like to think he is alone in a room. Oftentimes just hearing Justin or I will cause him to quit fussing. Then again, sometimes he wants to be held and that is all there is to it. Slightly inconvenient when there is cleaning and cooking to be done, but then again you have to love the fact that you are loved so much already. He is just such a sweetheart.

Oh, and last but not least, he has learned to fake us out when it comes to sleeping. My favorite of these moments was last Friday. His sweet aunt came to visit and was quite proud of herself for rocking the sweet, "sleepy" baby to sleep in a matter of minutes. He, on the other hand, was quite proud of himself two minutes after she left when he opened his eyes and began "dancing" (wriggling on the couch where she had laid him). Again- mischievous.

While Baby Is Sleeping...

Well it's official- Justin and I are parents! As crazy as things have been for the last two weeks, I have been thinking of all that I wanted to say when I finally made it back to my blog. There is so much I am afraid I will forget any day now, so while Little Bit is sleeping I thought I might steal some blog time for Mommy. First things first- I have to share his birth story.

Last night as a pregnant mommy- 38 weeks/6 days

As I shared before, our doctor had already confirmed our little one would be at least 9 lbs at birth and with that in mind had scheduled me for a c-section. In the 2 weeks leading up to the delivery date, I really wasn't all that worried. It wasn't until the day before delivery that I started to stress. I slept in most of the morning. (I was exhausted during that last month.) As busy as I tried to stay, I kept thinking of the countdown that was leading up to the hospital. Suddenly, it wasn't so easy to think of "We're having a baby!". All I could think of was the needles, terrible recovery, and my fear of unfriendly/inexperienced nurses. Yeah, the fact I was having major surgery really didn't cross my mind. (This would be where my mom points out how messed up my priorities are at times. :) ) Justin and I went on one final "pre-baby" date and came home to a quiet house one last time. I enjoyed one last "as long as I want it to last" shower and then Justin was sweet enough to paint the toes I hadn't been able to reach in the last 3 months. He fell asleep hard- snoring hard. (He NEVER snores.) I woke up a handful times to visit the bathroom and each time I hated the clock a little more for moving forward so quickly.

When the alarm actually went off, Justin rolled over with a smile on his face while I just felt plain sick. Nothing like a nervous stomach to start off what had to have been the most exciting, nerve-racking day of my life thus far. The fact that I couldn't eat anything wasn't that bad, but the nothing to drink part (mixed with nerves) was a terrible combination. (Needless to say, I emptied my already empty stomach before leaving the house.) On the ride there, I tried to enjoy the music in the car (music ALWAYS cheers me up), but for the first time in my life I couldn't tell you what was playing on the radio if I tried. It took us only half the time we thought it would to get there, and so not for the first time that morning I felt like everything was against me. I remember getting off the elevator that led from the parking garage to the crosswalk and checking my phone. Daddy had sent me a text letting me know they were on their way. In it he included a verse he had read that morning (Zephaniah 3:17). The mixture of how perfectly the verse was called for in that moment and that my parents (even 25 years later) would remember their oldest daughter is the world's biggest chicken and still sending encouragement my way had me fighting tears and gave me a boost that lasted all the way up to the maternity floor.

I actually had great nurses. In all of my nerves, I looked to Justin the most though. This was by far our biggest "adventure". Neither of us would be the same afterwards. Neither of us has been the same since we met, but let's be honest, our life was changing drastically in a matter of minutes. All the stress we had been battling for the last 10 months seemed to stop at the door. We were doing this. We were coming in as two and leaving as three. He seemed so calm that morning. We laughed over our baby's healthy heartbeat and how the monitor moved with each kick. When the nurse failed with the first iv, and made a last (successful) attempt on the other arm, it was Justin who held my hand and kept me laughing the whole time. I've never trusted him more than I did that morning. By the time my parents came back there to check on me, I didn't feel so much like it was a brave front I was putting on for them. I really felt like we had this. I trusted my nurses. I had learned to trust my dr months ago. Not to mention, I liked the anesthesiologist (whom we'll call Mr. R) the second he started explaining things to Justin and I. One way or another, it was going to be okay and for the first time in 24 hours, I was able to focus on the fact we were having a baby and not on my silly fears.

Ugh! SO pregnant, I know.

Was so happy he was still getting to wear his favorite color. :)

My nurse switched out just before the surgery. Her replacement was incredibly sweet and kept talking to both of us through everything. Justin and I managed to grab pictures of our beautiful hospital outfits before the surgery. When they took me back to the operating room, I remember feeling a few nerves pop back up. It was exactly as my mom had described it would be. Never mind the fact it was a different hospital, apparently operating rooms come in one style only. Our hospital only gives spinal blocks for c-sections, which was scary because the labor shows don't ever show women getting them so it was hard to know what to expect. Still, Mr. R had promised it wouldn't hurt (minus a slight sting), so I figured I would take him at his word and if he was lying then he would go on my list like so many others have in the past. As it turned out, I didn't even feel the needle. The only thing that bothered me was the crazy pressure following it. No one had mentioned it, so I might have forgotten to breathe for a second when it hit and kept coming. The nurse realized this quickly and was able to coax some large breaths out of me. What can I say, pressure or not, I did not want to take a breath and mess up the guy working with my spine. However, the deep breaths helped and pretty soon I was laying back on the table and feeling my legs go warm. They didn't put the sheet up until last, so how it is I don't remember seeing them do any of their other work, I can only attribute to Mr. R. The man not only covered my arms with a warm, thick blanket (which I thought unnecessary until he did it and I realized how tense I was), but he pulled out his phone and started showing me pictures of his kids. It was a great distraction and I could never thank him enough for it. Eventually, I started feeling really tired. Knowing Mr. R was watching everything on the monitors where I was concerned, I knew I was okay. I can only assume it had to do with not being nervous anymore and relaxing finally and suddenly wishing I had managed a nap in the last 24 hours. By the time Justin walked in (rushed in would be more like it, with head down and eyes fixated on me so as not to see anything), I was cool as a cucumber. At one point I started feeling nauseous again and I can remember wondering what the point was of having me avoid food and water so as not to get sick in the operating room if I was just going to get sick in the operating room. I kept thinking she was about to start and it would be over before I could get sick again. To anyone who may ever find themselves in my shoes though, listen carefully. Tell the nice man/woman who puts the wonderful needle in your back if you are feeling nauseous. Mr. R must have seen something because he told me right then that if I started feeling bad to tell him. I realized I was seconds from twisting off that table into a bucket just as he started talking, so I told him I quickly confessed. I remember laying there in surprise when he responded he had thought as much. I kid you not- he worked his magic and I was feeling fine in 5 seconds. After that, it was just a matter of minutes before the dr started. I remember some tugging and pushing and pulling...and not panicking because everyone and their mothers had told me to expect it. I remember this large pressure taking my breath for a few seconds, and then....

Yep, he was so NOT happy about being here. Can you blame him, though? He was pretty snug 5 minutes before this.

The dr told us he was here! A second later she said he was peeing on all of them (much to everyone's amusement). Justin had sworn he couldn't look at him when they got him out, out of fear of seeing his exit. I understood, but I sort of hated us both missing our baby's first seconds here with us. I remember Mr. R telling Justin to look. Justin started shaking his head and was about to explain when Mr. R told him again to look- to look RIGHT THEN. Justin stood up and looked over the sheet. When he sat down I could tell he was smiling. I remember being SO tired, but I didn't want to miss anything. Much to my relief, our baby wasted no time in exercising those lungs. The neonatal team left a few minutes after seeing him, assuring us he looked healthy. Justin left my side only long enough to grab pictures of our precious boy being checked by the nurses. I could see everything- another perk to our hospital. When he came back, a nurse followed him with our baby. I remember he was crying loudly. (He hadn't stopped since they had delivered him.) When she laid him to my cheek though, he stopped. They said I could kiss him, which was something I couldn't stop doing once I started.

I just remember looking at him and trying to fathom how he could have come out of me; that he was ours. I had imagined being a tearful wreck once he came out, but that wasn't the case. I think that no matter how many details you have about what to expect or how prepared you are for it all, you just truly can not imagine the surprise that takes you when your baby is here- actually here; in front of your face. I remember whispering to him (partly because he was a baby and partly because I was too tired to talk loud). All the nurses kept saying he knew my voice and that's why he was quiet suddenly.

Mr. R took the camera from Justin and took several pictures of us all together. Afterwards, Justin left with the nurse to take the baby to the nursery while I laid there still trying to comprehend that I had really and truly just had our baby.

The nurse snapped this one for us on the way to the nursery.

I wasn't in recovery long before they brought me our baby. Our hospital encourages the babies to have skin-to-skin with their mommies right after birth no matter how you have them. It wasn't something I had felt I HAD to have after delivery at first. I honestly hadn't expected to be allowed to have it. Still, once they told us about it, I was thrilled and it gave me something to look forward to. I would like to say I had accepted the fact I was a mommy by the time they brought him to me, but it took several minutes of holding my precious baby against my chest and feeling his soft skin against mine to realize he was really mine. I don't remember much about the ride to my room or what followed. I just held my baby and watched him with pride the whole time because he was ours. At some point, the nursery did come to take him back. I vaguely remember my family taking Justin off to lunch, while my mother stayed with me and tried to coax me into taking the nap she knew I needed. I openly disobeyed her on that one because every time I closed my eyes I thought of something to tell her. I was so scared if I didn't tell someone I would forget, and then it would be as though it didn't happen. While I'm sure my mother was sympathetic, she also has this thing about her "babies" taking care of themselves. Can you imagine? :)

It was a few hours before they brought him back to us. I can't describe how happy I was to see him again. My family stayed to see him and visited for a few minutes before quietly letting themselves out. Justin and I just looked at him. I would like to say that I remember every moment that followed, but that is definitely not the case. I can remember holding him. I can remember trying to nurse him for the first time. I know Justin held him a good bit- especially so I could eat. At some point that afternoon they came and removed all the fun tubes and iv that they had been so generous with that morning. By that night, I was walking again- slowly perhaps, but it was walking. Our night nurse was amazing. She talked with Justin and I, assured me there would be no shame if I changed my mind and sent the baby to the nursery for the night, and showed us a thing or two about babies. Of course, she wasn't too happy with me when she found me still awake at 5 that morning trying to wake Justin so he could put the baby back in his crib. She also couldn't blame me.

Waiting to be discharged!

We spent the next two days in the hospital. It wasn't all roses and rainbows, but I'll get to that part later. Our nurses were pretty amazing though. We found out one was a neighbor of ours, one was a friend of a friend, and on the last day I saw one of my delivery nurses again (which was perfect because we were able to give her, my other delivery nurse, and Mr. R one of the thank you jars that we had made). Recovery was NOT the nightmare some tried to make it seem. Maybe it won't be as great next time, but I am SOOOOOO thankful it has been so easy this time. Like I said, I was walking by the first night. I got to shower the second night. (Now I did have to take a pain pill the second night, but the nurse said that tends to happen a lot for some reason. Crazy, when you feel fine night one and day two.) I came to hate the hospital bed because no matter how good I felt standing and walking, getting back into the bed, required maneuvering past the bars on the side. I looked like a four year old climbing into bed on hands and knees, but it was the only way to stick the middle of the bed. As for the pain in general- I suffer more in a week every month than I have with recovery. I'm not going to complain though because this definitely has made taking care of a newborn easier.

First family picture at home!

I will end this part of our story by saying it is totally true. My mother has said our entire lives that she would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I knew my mother loved us, but, come on, who really wants to relive losing your pride so much in such a short time span and needles and surgery and whatever else your story involves? Now I am positive though that my mother was telling the truth. We weren't there 20 minutes when my empty stomach, nerves, and fear of the nurse failing to find one of my good veins had me sweating and emptying my (again, empty) stomach. The second I realized I could be sick in front of a stranger and not care for the first time in my life, I really gave it all up. That was the least of my pride I had to lose that day and, like I said, after the iv I was all about the fact I was having a baby again. Since then, oh, I have my pride back. I grabbed it back on our way out of the hospital, thank you very much. Even so, my mom was right. As scary as the whole process is/was, I would do it all over again for him. He is the most precious gift we have ever been given. I can not imagine life without him now (and he's only 2 weeks old). Good and bad days to come, I would do it all over again to have him with us.

Welcome Reagan! Mommy and Daddy love you SO much, Little Bit!

"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17

It's Official...

At least as official as it gets. Being only 37 weeks, he really isn't a little bit of anything, but adorable, precious chubbiness. Still, he's my Little Bit. He weighed in at 9 lbs Monday. That said, my doctor doesn't want to take chances and has scheduled a csection for us. I can not believe it. We are almost at the end of this part of the journey. We'll officially be a family of three in just two weeks. Two weeks, y'all!
I have a load of clothes that I should be folding (and a nap that seems equally important), but I wanted to write while I have a few minutes. Not wanting to bore you...let's throw some pictures in there so you can actually see what's changed here in the last few months.
So I am semi-addicted to this movie-

There's one scene you could totally skip if you watch the non-television version, but it is so relatable. It makes me think so deeply about Justin and I and our life together. How little we know. How much we have learned. How hard we've worked and prayed. How we've made it this far and what's next for us.

Little Bit's Wreath and Our New Addition to the Family Wall

I can't remember when I started praying for a baby. It's been too long since that first happened. It's like trying to remember when I first prayed for my husband- LONG before we met is all I can remember. Still, I know when I started praying, really praying for this baby. It was day 3 of our honeymoon. I woke up in his arms and realized I wanted not only to love the man beside me every day for the rest of my life, but I wanted to give him every ounce of love that could ever be given to a man. I didn't just want a baby anymore. I wanted his baby. I wanted our baby. When he began seriously talking about it a month later, I was elated. No need to wait. Who needed to wait?

My work family surprised me with a baby shower at the first of July (and even snuck in my sister and husband)!

Apparently we did, because it was a year later before I got that positive test result. After thousands of tears, at least a hundred tearful, fear-filled conversations, and a few negative test results we got our good news. Some days, it seems like just yesterday I was worrying about the first doctor's visit and calling my parents (one who laughed he was so happy and the other stunned to silence). Other days, it's hard to remember not being pregnant.

My mother repainted her rocking chair to match the vintage nursery rhyme theme! Isn't is beautiful!!!

I've had to learn to trust others- to take their word on what is best not only for me, but for what is the most precious gift either of us has ever been given. I've had to learn to look forward to the results and not focus on the uncomfortableness that comes with the test. I've come to have my own experiences and not listen so much to everyone else's. I've come to understand the love you can have for someone you can't even feel yet, and yet you know they are there...and the thrill that comes even when that same someone becomes so powerful it hurts.

Spent Valentines Day painting, the next day building furniture, and the last few months working on finishing touches!

I've been humbled more than once. I'm no one special, and yet God is trusting me with this blessing. While I once prayed for my husband's gaze to meet mine, to know his kisses and his hugs, and to see his eyes tell me he thought I was beautiful even if he didn't say it aloud, I've been shown much more. There is nothing like catching your husband's amazed gaze on your growing belly, or having his hand resting securely on top of you (knowing he is hoping to feel what you can feel at any given second). There is nothing like being pulled into a hug when you feel your worst, and knowing the two-three feet between you doesn't make him love you any less. There is nothing like watching curves you hardly knew existed before disappear at a rapid rate or being unable to move without sounding like some part of you is breaking, and yet your husband will pick the most random of moments to kiss you, or to smile sweetly at you, or to hug you just because he couldn't care less what you look like. Just when I think I could not love him anymore, he shows me how wrong I am. He reminds me how loved I am- how loved this baby is already.

Life is about to change. I can only imagine how much, how often. All I really know is that everything so far has revolved around love. The amount of love lying ahead of us, that we haven't even begun to touch, that is something else.

My Take on Pregnancy So Far

A lot has changed in the last few months. While most of the time I am either too busy or too tired to be the good blogger I dream of being one day, I am going to try to share a little while I am thinking about it.

I have tried to think of where to start, what topic to choose, what seems important, but I keep coming up empty. I blame lack of caffeine. :) I wish I had some new outlook on pregnancy- something to just stop every pregnant, been pregnant, want to be pregnant woman in her tracks for a few minutes. I love reads like that, and maybe one day I will have one. As for now, here is my take on pregnancy so far.

*Disclaimer- I am 23 weeks pregnant. This is just MY outlook. No debate, no argument, no "I know everything" takes on pregnancy here. This is just a pure and simple, VERY honest picture of what pregnancy has been for me this far. It is meant for private recording, pure entertainment purposes.*

Now, if you have been reading, you know all about my adventures with "morning sickness". Nausea is no laughing matter, ladies. It pushed me on my little (at the time) bottom and laughed at me- HARD. After weeks of nothing but Sprite and water, I may just be through with Sprite forever. That said, once the first trimester monster left me, life has been pretty wonderful. After that first doctor's visit (yuck!), the rest have been a piece of cake. Plus, I'm assured at least 4 more visits where everything is easy breezy- after that, well, I've had a nice run.

So far, I've gained a whopping 35 pounds with Little Bit. All the books say that that is the most you should gain, but seeing as we are only half way through this little journey I'm thinking the books are wrong. Sure, I crave a lot more than I used to, but it's not the outrageous preggo-foodstyle of the movies. As for post-pregnancy, I'm not even about to sweat it. What will go will go later. Right now, this is my pregnant life reality with Little Bit. As long as he is growing and my doctor isn't fretting over my weight chart, then I am certainly not going to worry. As for looks, well my belly is bigger (but that is pure baby) and my thighs are going for a more chunky-monkey look, but so far nothing horrible. My ankles and feet are starting to swell a little, but whose don't- especially a pregnant woman living in the humid summer-like heat of the south. I'll just have to invest in new (wider) shoes. :) Shoe shopping!

Pregnancy clothes are A-MAZING! They are by far the most comfortable clothing I have ever worn. I know women complain about pulling out the "Granny" panties in the end, but this chick is already there, sporting the bras to match. No, they are not the prettiest, laciest things ever, but when you have gravity making those stretch marks on your belly feel like they are going to pull you down, and ta-tas that are so big you have trouble remembering their tiny predecessors- comfort is queen as far as I'm concerned. Maternity clothing for me has been as comfortable as my pajamas. I feel quite rebellious actually wearing my comfy clothes rather than the skirts and panty hose of months that feel long gone now. P.S. Belly bands are a joke as far as I'm concerned. A friend gave me her old one to help buy me some time before I had to turn to maternity wear. It was nice for all of 2 days, until I realized it had no cover power over my pants tops where buttons and zippers were concerned. Not to mention, taking it off at the end of the day I realized I could finally breath. Take my word, save your money and invest in maternity pants. That was money well-spent.

Pregnancy clothes shopping is not so fun. I love to clothes shop a lot of the time, but maternity shopping hasn't been the easiest. First of all, businesses must know they only have you for about 6 months or less because they slam price tags on there that you wouldn't believe. I did good purchasing extra large camis at Forever 21 for $1.50 a piece, and have managed to buy a few non-maternity tops to fit in my style in larger sizes, but alas this could not be done with everything. Where I work, I have to have dressy tops still. I am also not in control of the thermostat there (which is totally unfair in my opinion), leaving me burning up for 8 hours a day for the last 4 months. Did I mention it is only getting hotter? This means I need cute, cool, possibly sleeveless tops. The second problem, I like cute outfits, which don't seem to exist anymore. Whatever happened to polka dots, happy colors, and Peter Pan collars? I don't need my belly button showing, or the 70s grunge look, or even the tight-fitting clothes I've never worn before. *sigh* Why does everything have to be so complicated? So, I turned to Amazon last week and found some super cute outfits (sold within the states) for reasonable prices. As for home, Little Bit can stretch all the shirts out he wants. :)

The aches and pains haven't been all that bad. I've suffered a pretty bad headache a time or two, but nothing too crippling. While I can now rest my arms comfortably on top of Little Bit, the baby bump didn't have to be all that big to affect my falling asleep. Falling asleep on your side has a way of causing gravity to pull on your muscles more I guess. While I laughed at first, I ended up okaying the purchase of this full body pillow. It has been the best pregnancy purchase yet! It stays cool, helps my back, my neck, my legs, my belly. It is WONDERFUL!

No caffeine bites. Now, I've read up and a lot of doctors now give the thumbs up to caffeine, or at least 200 milligrams of it in a day (about 2 cups). Still, there are risks, and while I love hearing my doctor say I should have an easy pregnancy and Little Bit is doing fine, I'm not taking any chances. I say to each her own on this one. I steal a sip from Justin's drinks, but since he is all pro-water more than 75 % of the time, he is not much help. What does help are these decaf/no caffeine tricks-

Starbucks- Spiced Caramel Apple Ciders, Strawberry Crème Frappacino, Vanilla Bean Frappacino

Sweet Tea- Decaffeinated (my mother made my day last Saturday offering this at home #bestmommyever)

Coke- Caffeine Free Cokes (thankfully someone at CocaCola had a heart about 20 years ago)

Sonic- Slushies, Lemonade, Cranberry Juice, and our favorite Cherry Vanilla Rootbeers! (Little Bit is a sweetaholic and therefore I must supply the demand. :) )

I'm told our hospital serves Starbucks, so as soon as Little Bit arrives my Push Gift will be an extra-large surprise wrapped in a Starbucks cup from hubby!

My Pinterest time has changed. My sister probably said it best when two weeks ago she told me I had some "weird stuff" on my Pinterest page. It took some time, but then- Oh, yeah, I have an entire new board entitled "For Mommy" full of info revolving around a bunch of things that I would think weird too if they weren't so darn informative to this first time Mommy-to-be right here. I have tips for post-delivery (heads up- yuck!). I have tips for nursing and just some plain fun facts about how awesome nursing is for both Mommy and baby. (Ladies, God is awesome. He thought this whole technique out to the end.) I must have at least 5-6 suggestions of what to pack in your hospital bag (All about as helpful as asking a handful of women what to carry in your purse.)  

Life has changed a lot here lately. It's not been completely easy, but it's not been nightmarish here yet either. Even with all of the changes, there have been some pretty amazing moments- moments that make me not even care about the not-so-fun part. The first time I felt our little boy I had to stop what I was doing. It surprised me so much. Since then, his moves have become harder. If I don't eat on time, he especially moves. The other night, his daddy talking to him caused him to move. Justin FINALLY felt him last Monday and his excitement almost brought tears to my eyes. It was the sweetest thing to watch. To be stuck between the two of them, I can not begin to describe how wonderful a feeling that is. These days won't last forever. Pregnancy is about to get harder, I know, and labor and delivery and recovering won't be a walk in the park. Still, remembering these things- these wonderful little moments that happen so randomly and that I am able to enjoy make it easier for me to keep going without stressing over what is next. In four months, we will have a beautiful little boy to bring home. He will bring a whole new way of life with him, too. While that scares me at times, I can't help but be excited by our baby that has already brought so much excitement and love into our hearts. 

We Are Having A...

Okay, so I am just a couple of weeks behind with this but....

It's a Boy!

It took some doing, but my doctor finally managed to catch a clear view of the little busy body inside of me. I can not begin to tell you how excited we are. It is so strange and yet so wonderful at the same time to know who it is inside of you even before you have actually formally met. I can call my baby boy by name now, rather than the numerous pet names he has been given over the last few months.

Y'all, he gave us the cutest, funniest little show in the doctor's office. First, let me start by saying that I have a great doctor who has actually done an ultrasound every time we have been to her office so far. It's not the 3D that everyone has been telling us about for the last decade or so, but who cares. When you see your baby on the screen it is the absolute prettiest picture you will think you have ever seen. I tear up every time I see him. The first time we saw him, he was this little circle within a bigger circle with this amazingly beautiful heartbeat. The second time we saw him I was surprised again. That time he had little legs and a nose and eyes that we could make out even without the doctor telling us where they were. He even had one of his little arms brought up to his head. Again, his heart made the most beautiful sound for us, but because he looked so still and comfortable I guess I assumed we would always be looking at this still picture on the screen of him. Boy, were we wrong. This last time that we were there my doctor had just started the ultrasound when he moved. I can still hear Justin asking her if the baby had just moved. Y'all we had never seen him move and to see it for ourselves was just...AMAZING is the only word I have to describe it. We thought he would stop after that initial kick, but he proved us wrong. She had to continuously reposition her wand on my belly and each time he moved. He kicked. He hit. He is quite the athlete Justin thinks. I, on the other hand, have a strange feeling it was the ultrasound that was bothering him...maybe her pressing down on his space. He seemed more frustrated to me. I could not help but laugh as she tried to catch a clear picture. Yes, our son is already pulling me into his mischief apparently. When he wasn't moving, I was replaying the last few seconds in my head and giggling myself. I didn't mean to be trouble, truly I didn't. He was just so cute and I couldn't help but laugh a little at his surprising us so much with his acrobatics in there.

Since that last visit, I am caught up in hundreds of musings of what our baby boy will be like. I wonder if his little show was just a one time event and next time he will be a bit calmer or if he is about to begin 24 hour productions for us. I wonder if he will be the sweet, quiet baby we are told his daddy was or if he will be a bit head strong like...ummm...his mommy may have been. (Okay, so I still am.) I wonder if he will always be sweet and quiet or if he will be only until he is bothered by something and then he will become more determined in his wants. It's not that I want our children to be disobedient by any means. I want them to be well behaved and learn to listen so that they can eventually become productive individuals. At the same time I also want them to find their voices, learn to speak for themselves, stand up for what they believe is right. Not to say cookies for dinner or Lion King 24/7 or mud baths rather than bubble baths are noble battles I hope they will fight with us, but at the same time if what I saw really, truly was a glimpse into his character, then I don't want him to lose his fight. If he was irritated like I can't help wondering he was, then I have to consider he actually found a way to show it even if moving about blindly is his only form of communication. Provided the words, oh my goodness, I think we all would have gotten an earful. It was just the most amazing sight. 

I've seen babies before. I've even cried at the sight of a few ultra sound pictures in the past. My sister and brother were the most amazing images to look at in their day. They made every conversation fun to have and put on a great show with their kicks and jabs as they grew bigger and my mother sat down to let me watch. They have always amazed me, and they still do. Now there is a new image on the screen though and I am amazed all over again. The strangest part of it all is that he is mine and in me. Sometimes I get nervous about this part of the journey coming to a close soon (you know the fun hospital stuff), but something will always happen to fix those nerves. We will have a doctor's appointment and I will see him. I will feel something strange and wonder for hours on end if that wasn't him. He will add something to his menu of must-haves (Example- chili cheese footlongs from Sonic) and I can't help but laugh. We will find something new for his nursery. We will find a new outfit for him for next summer. I will think of holding him, of counting all of his little fingers and toes for the first time, of being able to touch him and kiss him and hold him safely in my arms and look at those pretty little eyes I know he will have. (Obviously this is all before my mother makes it into our room, then he will have to fend for himself. Let's just say I'm not the only headstrong one in the family.)

For the record- my mother was thrilled, surprised, but thrilled. My brother was stunned to silence, but has since been making the appropriate plans for his time with his nephew. My sister was stunned, at a loss for words for only about 5 seconds, but extremely excited. Oh, and also panicked about what to do with a boy. Ahem, we have a little brother. She was awesome with him. Justin's grandparents were extremely happy to hear and dug up one of Justin's old toys to give to us for the baby. Justin's daddy cried he was so happy. My daddy, my daddy still recovering from being sick the last few days, managed the strength to not only congratulate us, but point out that he had said it was a boy all along. My sister and brother will never recover their pride, seeing as Daddy will not allow it since he was right and they swore he was wrong. My poor mother gets to be around their antics all the time and I am sure she is making a valiant effort to steer their energies towards planning for their grandson/nephew rather than pointing out who was wrong and who was right. Thank goodness for her good humor because we never let anything go in my family. :)

So that is our news! Sorry I took so long. We are still working on his room and trying to build up supplies for him and learning to enjoy all this fun stuff pregnancy brings. Alas, another post. :) 

 

Girl or Boy?

After a crazy week of weather, it is wonderful to finish off the week curled up in pajamas eating chili dogs and failed Pinterest potatoes. My roasted cheesy potatoes ended up becoming a casserole dish. 10 years ago I would have had a meltdown over the mess. Now, I just pull out my pretty glass Pyrex dish and "improve" it. :)

Usually, I mope about Sunday nights. I dread the alarm clock in the morning and resent how quickly I fall asleep these days. (I miss being able to be productive late into the night- typing, folding clothes, sewing hems, reading. These days I can start yawning up a storm as early as 7 o'clock. Really!) This weekend has been great though and I am counting the days until Thursday. We went on a baby shopping trip yesterday. The most fun I have ever had shopping!!! I saw so many cute things, but without knowing girl or boy I had to resist. Just 4 more days. 4 more days and hopefully we will be able to find out exactly who we are shopping for. Until then, I keep hearing 1 question- "What do you want?". At this point, I really don't know anymore. Let me just think for a minute about what fun each one will bring (and maybe what trouble).

Girl-
I'll have hair to fix and outfits to match and nails to paint.
We can have matching aprons and bake cookies.
I will have a little girl to give my Barbies and Barbie house to.
Mommy/daughter talks
Pink anything!
We would have a little girl to love her daddy like I love mine.

Boy-
Our next babies will have a big brother. Personally, I would rather have a big brother over a big sister.
None of the drama that comes with girls. I don't know girls grow out of it to be honest. :)
I can dress our baby like a little gentleman.
One day I can decorate with all those cute rustic robot decorations I love at Target so much.
Someone to watch Transformers with his daddy.
Little boys and their mommies is one of the sweetest things.

Honestly, I just can't think of much. Both have their moments. Both have their strengths and weaknesses. Both can accomplish so much and both can play and be played with when they are little. Boy or girl, they will have their own personality and characteristics. Either one will be loved every day- good or bad days. I just don't know. I really think either one will be a wonderful edition to our family. In the meantime though, if they would like to kick Mommy a little harder, I am totally up for it. Everything I read says in between now and the next 6 weeks I should feel whoever this is inside of me. Sometimes I actually think I do, but I want so much to be certain.

So basically, I can not be depressed about the end of this week because-
A. This week (while pretty amazing) was nightmarish where poor driving conditions and early morning text messages from work were concerned.
B. I got to catch up on some sleep yesterday morning and still had time to buy some baby accessories.
C. Monday is one more day out of the way to finding out what name I can start using when I talk to Little Bit.

We finally bought a sleeper for the baby so they will be nice and safe between Mommy and Daddy.
Justin laughed at the wipe warmer, but I thought it was the neatest thing when my parents had my brother.

How about y'all. Does anyone have preferences where boys and girls are concerned? 
          

A Wintry-Mix Day

See that is what we have here where I live. Once every 10-20 years you get an actual snow day. In between that time however, we have lovely wintry mix days. It leaves schools certain that they should close and every other business in town completely confused as to what to do. For those of you that are used to snow and icy roads let me tell you, there are actually those of us who are not qualified for such days (at least not on the road).

All of that said, after having to drive home in heavy sleet yesterday at a whopping 10 mph, my butt (and the baby's) are home today. Thankfully, Justin can work from home during bad weather, which means I only have two family members to worry about driving in this mess. After stealing my favorite shirt from Justin's side of the closet (it was bigger, but the baby is correcting that) and slipping into my new maternity leggings a friend gave me last week, I am content to not be dressed up today. While we should have gone grocery shopping last week, the only thing we are at risk of running out of is caffeine free coke. I have 1 left. It is the last bubbly drink in the house outside of sprite, and after 6 weeks of drinking that and only that night and day, it will take a hefty chunk of money to make me drink another sip for awhile.

Days like today give me lots of time to think. While I used to pray for weather days like today as a little girl (always thinking it would keep Daddy home), I dread them as an adult. It doesn't exactly feel like a vacation and so it isn't super easy to enjoy myself because I feel like I shouldn't. Crazy? Well, so is the weather here.

On the plus side, as a first time pregnant chick, I have quickly come to realize why pregnant women hate advice. Because you hear too much of it and typically ask for only a little of it. If you thought you hated the advice about going to college, or dating, or planning your wedding, I suggest you take a deep breath and chow down on whatever makes you happiest because you will have to grin through it somehow. I am only three months in and I am about to run out of snacks and happy drinks to keep me smiling some days. If I didn't think my mother deserved a sainthood before, I tell you what- where do I go to nominate her now. Here is why.

In the first few weeks of nausea, I got advice on not overeating during pregnancy because it is (apparently) the worst sin you can commit during this nine month adventure. When I wasn't grinning through advice on overeating (which is impossible when all you want to do is keep down whatever you can possibly muster down), I was given sympathetic looks from both old and new mothers alike. The worst of it is when you realize apparently being a first time mom means you are the most ignorant being on earth and must not have known nausea was a possibility or the easiest part of pregnancy. How does it help me to hear things like "oh, wait until that 36 week visit" or "and then during delivery they...oh, well, you'll see.". For real, ladies, I have a mother of my own and she not only laughed the stork theory out the door, she made sure I was never left that clueless over babies. Needless to say, I love my mother. I LOVE my mother. Amidst the pitiful looks and "helpful" advice, I have found solace in my mother's texts and phone calls and visits. She doesn't baby me when I tell her I am nauseous. I receive the same "aww, baby" that I have heard and loved my entire life. She hasn't stuck her tongue out and rubbed her hands together menacingly while laughing and saying this is all payback for what she endured with me. She just listens and tells me she remembers and it usually gets better. Then she moves on to talk about the happier parts of being pregnant. She doesn't chide me about my diet (or lack thereof). She told me to feed the baby whatever he/she craves because God was only going to let me crave what they needed. (Apparently I have low blood sugar every day and am in need of antioxidents daily because Little Bit craves chocolate these days.) And when the baby made it clear chocolate is king three weeks ago, my mother didn't get onto me, but instead aided in the madness that is this baby's likes by sharing chocolate krispies she made at home. She even got Daddy in on it by buying me chocolate bars during a normal shopping trip. She has held her tongue when I go to the doctor and not questioned a word, and listens to everything I tell her as I replay each visit with her on the phone.

And, y'all, I know the books say make friends with recent moms, but let me just warn you, this doesn't always work perfectly in my experience so far. Sometimes, it is VERY helpful. You can get the play-by-play of what to expect at your next visit and what processes take place during delivery in your area. Books can only alert you to so much and then they seem to notate that you should check with your hospital to be certain. It is great to have someone reliable to ask beforehand, especially, if like me, you want an answer months before it even matters. That said, the downside can be a silent competition that you aren't prepared for, at least I wasn't. Doctors do different things with different patients, so your visit may not be exactly like your friend's was and the doctor may not recommend exactly what she did for her. Sometimes you choose to do things differently because some things may not matter as much to you or you may feel it is more important. At times, that reliable source may just seem a little irritated with what you are learning from your experience. All I can say is, don't let this ruin your special time. Justin has to hear me complain about this from time to time because it happens and I get upset and I have to vent to him or I'll just let it sit and fester. At least once I get it out, he puts me back on track and I can remember this is our time and our pregnancy and we have to do what we think is best. Plus, then I have my sister to talk to and then there is my mother who listens and cares and there isn't a chance of competition between us, so she is always happy to talk and always happy to listen and always happy to give advice when I ask her for it.

Somehow in the last few weeks, advice has skipped from pregnancy to child-rearing and I sometimes worry my mouth is going to get the better of me. Y'all, I am that person that considers tripping the child that runs off from their mom. I cringe listening to the yelling and arguing from the toddlers to their parents. Oh, and let's not talk about the kids that get up and run around the table at a restaurant. For real? I know I don't have kids, so technically I am not supposed to talk, but I feel I can because I was a kid once and I know my parents did not let me act like that. Did I get in trouble? Of course. Did I earn those noses in the corners, groundings, and occasional spanking? I most certainly did. Did I scream bloody murder during lab work at the doctor's office. Yes, but I am attempting every time to hide that from my nurses now. In all of that, I loved my parents and grew up to love them more. I trust them out of every other adult on earth. I know I can go to them with questions and they won't shove what to do's on my shoulders, but offer advice and suggestions and let me make the call. That said, I grew up with a strong dislike for anyone outside of my parents telling me what I can and cannot do. An even stronger dislike now is being told what our baby will be like. I know I won't be the perfect mom with the perfect house and the perfect attitude and perfect smile all the time. (I can dream though. :) )I know this little chocoholic baby of ours will not always be the giggling, cooing, adorable little angel I think they already must be. Still, I have high hopes for this baby and I already think our little one will be capable of so many great and wonderful things. (Granted if they are uncoordinated it is totally from their mommy and I am apologizing in advance.) I don't like being told to give up or give in. It drives me bonkers (for lack of a better word). I especially don't like being told to give in with my baby. 

The strange thing in all of this, even though I get so frustrated with the unwanted advice and so upset with what is said, in some ways it brings me closer to our baby. It makes me want to protect them all the more. It makes me more determined to push them in the right direction, to hold their hand, to keep my eye on them, to love them, to hug them, to kiss them good night, to get that Mommy-look down pat (oh, because we all know we needed that from time to time). It makes me realize more how much I want for them and how hard I want to fight for them to find it for themselves. It makes me want to cover their little ears and tell them every day not to listen to the madness their mommy is having to listen to. It makes me closer to my husband because I can't do this alone. It makes me need him more, in a new way than before. It makes me question what we think and what we talk about. It makes me trust him more and it makes me more grateful that he is so on board. It makes me grateful he is my partner in crime with this big step and where this little one will take us. It makes me pray more and it makes me pray harder, for things I didn't know to pray about before. It makes me beg and plead for what I thought I already had. It even makes me miss my parents more. I am already seeing a little differently what my parents always told me. I thought I understood, but I am understanding better already. It makes me grateful they fought so hard for us and did so much for us. It makes me grateful they taught us not to follow the crowd and reminded us daily not to believe everything we heard. It makes me love a whole lot more than before. 

Again, it is funny how someone so little can change so much even before they are here to see it all taking place.